Going to mom’s for spring break (: leaving tonight, gonna be hard i gotta pack EVERYTHING i’ll need cause it’s not like my Dad can just go 5 minutes way to bring me extra clothes, or a hair srtaightener my Mommy now lives two hours way from me, so i gotta pack anything that comes to my mind that i’ll need at all. <3
So yes i’m about to complain because i know my girlfriends never gonna look at this. I got with Sammi on March 20th, c: <3 happy & in love. Well i’ve got problems that i haven’t brought up too her, she’s been talking to this guy Kevin.. more than she talks to me, yes she sleeps alot but whenever i ask her what shes doing it’s about 95% of the time it’s : Talking to Kevin. Kevin Kevin Kevin.. pisses me off.
Next thing; she’s BIG into Harry Potter, loves it, well she has 7 pages which she’s an Admin on ALL of them, & she’s liked 3,000 Harry Potter pages on Facebook, so none of her friends statuses or updates are on her News Feed.. but thats not my problem, we’ll be talking on Skype & she won’t pay one bit of attention to me for a good two & a half outta the three hours we talk because she’s on those Harry Potter pages, she rarely texts me because she’s either always on the computer, sleeping or Skyping Kevin! & Skyping is the only way we can talk – thats another story- but it pisses me alllllll off, in fact right now she’s not messaging me cause she’s talking to Kevin for the past three hours.. :/ I’ve been sick really bad & she knows i hate school so i usually wanna talk to her for a lil after school.. i don’t wanna leave her & i definalty don’t want her leaving me, i love her alot but it’s stuff she does.. :/
So these past few days.. okay week & a half, i’ve been feeling really lonely. I’ve been thinking about Tasha alot & finding some but one to love me & hold me..
I’ve fallen in love with a girl, i didn’t think i would. She’s 22 & she lives in West Virgina, i’m 15 turning 16 & live in Ohio.. when i talk to her i don’t think of her age or that she’s in another state, i never thought i’d say age doesnt matter between a minor & adult..but it does cause i’m experiencing it. I love it & hate it. I love it cause i’ve found someone who loves me for who i am & is there for me through thick & thin, but she can’t be mine because of age difference & i banned myself from relationships in other states.. never works out for me, i get lonelyy physically,, so i’m in a big mess, she loves me just as much as i love herr too <3
I’ve told her about Tasha & i think she gets jealous.. but i can’t help whats happened in my past..
I’m so tired of being hurt, i’m tired of crying everytime she pops into my head.. Anytime anywhere i think about her i have the urge in my eyes.. I want to forget her but at the same time i don’t cause i want her to be mine again 
I want her in my arms, to kiss her.. just to hear her voice would be heaven, but he’s taken my spot & to know he’s gonna hurt her like everyother time kills me everydayy.. <//3
My step mom drives me beyond fucking insaneee, so does my step sister. Annoying most of the time, she gets spoiled & acts like a 3 year old! Then when people accuse my step mom of spoiling her she runs to me & says you know i don’t spoil her! & of course me i dont want to argue with anyone so i just nodd & agree but of course i wanna rip out both their throats!!!! Holly (step mom) denys everything then lies to me, she told me: me & yourr father will stay outta your business but yet i caught them trying to close my facebook account, so they’ve been snooping on me! So i had to change all my passwords & like tonight, Crystal (step sister) she’s stayed home from school these past 3 days & the rule is if you stay home from school you don’t go anywhere that night, i stayed home & without thinking asked if i could go to Kroger with Holly she said you stayed home so no.. But she took Crystal to get a Nintendo game & went shopping with herr! Daa fuckkk?! These lil things piss me off, then Holly trys to act like she’s our mother, my dad gave my lil brother a sprite before bed to settle his stomach cause Holly had made my lil brother eat something for dinner he didnt like.. so my dad comes in the kitchen after giving it to him & she yells & says take that from him it’s too late for pop!! Blahhh fucking Blaaaahhhh! >.< i could cut my head off.. its made living here with my Dad horrible..But i can’t do anything about it..
I told Tasha, that i’ve pushed the feelins i had for her aside & she hurt me.. She’s gonna tell me later she regrets it & she’s sorry but it’s too late for sorries.. She’s lost me for good, i love/loved her but she’s got too much shit in herr head. I got tired of that shit & if Brandon aka dick face has any sense he’ll realize it too.. But ive moved on, my friend asked me out by sending me a relationship request on facebook lol.. it’s cute. I’m her first girlfriend so it’s a lil rough right now but once she gets use to it i’m hoping it’s a long honest relationshipp (:
I call.. she tells me to call back later.. next day; calls twice, no answer. Today; calls twice i left two voice messages..
Q: Think she’ll call back? A: Not too sure.
Q: Are you gonna give up? A: Not sure yet.. Maybe. Maybe if i change for her she’ll think of noticing me again & actaully tell me she loves me. Maybe she’d even through that duece bag to the fucking curb? Maybe… but maybe’s the only answer that’s poppin in my head when i ask my own self questions..
Maybe?.. Maybe she’d give me a call back, a text. A visit? Or nothing, as empty visits hit my heart, all i do is hope & soon maybe give up.
MAYBE?
Okay i’m 15, i want my spider bites done! But my dad’s only skeptically cause my mom’s saying NO PIERCING!!! blahhh blaahhh, i’d pay for them myself, i’m turning 16 soon & it would be the best birthday gift! How can i convince my dad even more ? Ideas?
So honestly someone please rate this & tell me if you think i’m just beautifull cause of make up ?
Okay so i feel like my dad fishes out money whenever i ask.. or even when i don’t ask. I know my dad doesn’t make more than 50,000 dollars a year.. last time i checked. Every two weeks when he gets paid he gives me, my step sister & my other sister 20 dollars eachh.. he just recently bought me a 235 dollar phone & at christmas me & my brother 300$ computers & a 150 dollar phone for my step sister.. & is about to purchase my sister a laptop as well. Whenever i go to the mall my dad usually coughs up another 30 dollars, we use to go to the mall as a family every weekend & spend over 150.. my step mom just recently gave birth.. so that’s shit loads of money popping out. He pays over 120 dollars for everyones phone bills. He pays for internet & WiFi. My step mom sells Avon so that’s about 20-35$ every couple weeks. Plus bills, we just got a new car & trying to buy a dryer, we buy shit tons of food & don’t eat half of it. Clothes, paying my mom. I plan on getting my temps here soon so thats 230$ for driving school.. i feel so bad cause i realize i’m overly spoiled. He buys my cigarettes (i’m really trying to quit though).. i could make a whole other blog post about this. I just feel so bad. If someones actually reading these please give me advice to what i could so to help feel better. I love my dad & i’ve growned to love my step mom & i love that they want me to be happy & i love everything they do for me but to me it is obviously not going well.. in my mind.. help?!
